This morning, I get to try my hand once again at the Spanish language, and unlike after most of my 30 second spouts this past week, I’ll get a real response instead of a blank stare. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to understand it, but full comprehension is on its way. I hope.
A year ago February, I started going to a meetup.com group that meets at a Panera near home just to practice with a group that ranges from native speakers to the most basic beginner, and only during those few months did my 4 years of Spanish class actually start making themselves somewhat useful. Now, after almost 8 months of being able to find someone to talk to (en español, claro) just by heading down to the kitchen, I’m finding myself in a place where people don’t understand me, at least not while hiding behind a language that’s not my own.
I’ve said it before, sometimes things are easier to say in someone else’s native tongue. When I spoke in front of Vida Joven, having everything written out word for word made sense, but what about this Thurs. when I’m asked to share about the trip. The wall that separated me from my audience in April, the glass wall that somehow made it less real and therefore easier, won’t be there. I might bring notes, but I won’t have everything right in front of me.
I feel I understand myself a lot better than I did a few months ago and I’ve had some major emotional and spiritual breakthroughs just this past week, but I’m not quite sure how to explain how much those victories mean to people who didn’t have to witness the battle. Even in English, especially in English, I still have to learn to a speak in a way people will understand.
This morning I get to answer the question, in Spanish, how was your trip. Amazing, challenging, overwhelming, boring at times. No sé. Then, after a few hours reminiscing how it feels to live in someone else’s world, I’ll be coming back to mine, hopefully with a few more ideas as to how to explain myself to a world which can never truly understand.
I will no longer be updating this blog, but I have begun another blog that I would like to continue to update weekly (vklong.wordpress.com) As you might have been able to guess, I’m slighty obsessed with the Spanish language so there’s a link on the front page to a parallel blog written en español. I think I might write them in Spanish first and translate into English, 1) to practice – it would be a shame to lose everything now & 2) to prevent that blog from becoming bloated with huge, somewhat artistic essays like this one 🙂 If you’ve stuck with me this far, ¡gracias! y Dios te bendiga. I love ya’ll!
